I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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