his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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