Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
