I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
