There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
