her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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