so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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