well most of my day revolves around power hour
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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