she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
