just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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