apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
