wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
