Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dear god my vagina.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
