Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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