she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize