Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
