I just pynch a tree in the face
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
