Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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