I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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