Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
