those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
