She just used a chaser for red wine.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
