You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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