my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
