Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
