obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
