the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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