I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
