some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I want is dick and wine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
