How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
