Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
