My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
