it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
