Please, let me fuck your mom
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
