Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
