U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
