I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
