Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
