I wish I only lived at night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
