i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
