4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
