if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I currently don't understand fingers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
