In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
