when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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