So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize