i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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