What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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