I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
