WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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