I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
