I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
