my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
