jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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