i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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