I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
