bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have post one night stand depression
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