Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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