My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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