Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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