Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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