Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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