We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
