I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
