he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
