Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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