Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
