FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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