I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
