I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize