I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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