Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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