O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize