Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
