he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
