Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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