I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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