so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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