I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
