remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
