Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
