Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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