I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
