You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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