omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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