I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
