PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
