Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
