So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
