brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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