You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i believe in u and ur pee
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
