I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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